Thursday, 28 March 2013

I Took the Ring Off

"...I have loved you with an everlasting love..."
~Jeremiah 31:3

You may remember the Christian movie Courageous released nearly two years ago.  It was such an inspirational movie for the Christian community.  One of its most popular scenes was when Nathan Hayes takes his daughter's hand and makes her a promise to take care of her and offer her his full blessing when the right man comes to her life.

You can see it for yourself on this YouTube clip below.

When my single-hood began again in 2011, my older sister, being inspired by the movie, bought me a ring that I was supposed to wear until the one for me comes along.  So, yep, a promise ring- not the Asian definition of it, but the more American one, and not only for the chastity of my physical body, but for the chastity of my heart.  However, I wished for my dad to have given it to me rather than my sister because then it would have been more meaningful, like in the movie.

Then on November of last year, I took the ring off.

No, not because I broke my promise.  My reasons were...

1) A ring for $15 is not meant to last and be worn for a long time, so it had tarnished greatly in the short while that it was on my finger.

2) I became tired of people mistaking that I was married.  (I guess promise rings are quite foreign things to people around here.)

3) I felt that I needed to be free of all vows (good and bad) that reminded me of my past mistakes and hurts.  Whenever I looked at that ring, I did not see my future.  I saw my past and the reasons as to why I would be wearing it.  It also reminded me of my desire for a far-off someone to take away my loneliness.

During the first days after I took it off, I felt weird that for the first time in so many years, my finger was free.  There still remained a tan line on my skin- a lingering reminder of all the rings I've worn: rings from broken relationships and then, most recently, the promise to my family and myself.  "These tan lines," I thought, "along with their memories will fade away with time- yet, of course, much more quickly."

Four months later, during my last prayer ministry session, I felt as though God was asking me, "What are you waiting for?  Who are you waiting for?"  And I wept.  I know where I was mistaken.  All these years since childhood, vowing that I could provide for myself that "right" man and moping because I do not have him yet, have robbed me from loving God.  "Who are you waiting for when I have been with you all along?"

Who am I waiting for?  I do not need to wait for someone to love me dearly because He is already here!  And not that I want to become a nun- He knows that.  When I finally come to that moment and place where God will bring about the expression of His love into a flesh and blood spouse, we both will be ready for each other.  And until then, my life will not be in a stand-still: my heart will continue to heal, my life will continue to transform, and I will keep living and loving for Him.

Girl in flower field

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