Thursday, 28 March 2013

Quiet Moments

When you are at that quiet moment,
when you need time to heal,
when you need time to understand
or situations around you,
I hope these songs can help you as they've helped me. ^_^


I Took the Ring Off

"...I have loved you with an everlasting love..."
~Jeremiah 31:3

You may remember the Christian movie Courageous released nearly two years ago.  It was such an inspirational movie for the Christian community.  One of its most popular scenes was when Nathan Hayes takes his daughter's hand and makes her a promise to take care of her and offer her his full blessing when the right man comes to her life.

You can see it for yourself on this YouTube clip below.

When my single-hood began again in 2011, my older sister, being inspired by the movie, bought me a ring that I was supposed to wear until the one for me comes along.  So, yep, a promise ring- not the Asian definition of it, but the more American one, and not only for the chastity of my physical body, but for the chastity of my heart.  However, I wished for my dad to have given it to me rather than my sister because then it would have been more meaningful, like in the movie.

Then on November of last year, I took the ring off.

No, not because I broke my promise.  My reasons were...

1) A ring for $15 is not meant to last and be worn for a long time, so it had tarnished greatly in the short while that it was on my finger.

2) I became tired of people mistaking that I was married.  (I guess promise rings are quite foreign things to people around here.)

3) I felt that I needed to be free of all vows (good and bad) that reminded me of my past mistakes and hurts.  Whenever I looked at that ring, I did not see my future.  I saw my past and the reasons as to why I would be wearing it.  It also reminded me of my desire for a far-off someone to take away my loneliness.

During the first days after I took it off, I felt weird that for the first time in so many years, my finger was free.  There still remained a tan line on my skin- a lingering reminder of all the rings I've worn: rings from broken relationships and then, most recently, the promise to my family and myself.  "These tan lines," I thought, "along with their memories will fade away with time- yet, of course, much more quickly."

Four months later, during my last prayer ministry session, I felt as though God was asking me, "What are you waiting for?  Who are you waiting for?"  And I wept.  I know where I was mistaken.  All these years since childhood, vowing that I could provide for myself that "right" man and moping because I do not have him yet, have robbed me from loving God.  "Who are you waiting for when I have been with you all along?"

Who am I waiting for?  I do not need to wait for someone to love me dearly because He is already here!  And not that I want to become a nun- He knows that.  When I finally come to that moment and place where God will bring about the expression of His love into a flesh and blood spouse, we both will be ready for each other.  And until then, my life will not be in a stand-still: my heart will continue to heal, my life will continue to transform, and I will keep living and loving for Him.

Girl in flower field

Tuesday, 26 March 2013

hi·a·tus: (Noun) A pause or gap in a sequence, series, or process.

Well, I do think that it has been more than just a pause or gap ^____^  My last post was more than 2 months ago.

Why now?  Well... it is...

S P R I N G  B R E A K ! 

As a warm-up to blogging again, let me enlighten you as to why I've been absent.  Fasten your seatbelts for my oh-so-exciting-it's-mind-blowing life...

February was the month of my back-to-back formal observations at work.  If you don't already know, I am a teacher, and as much as I like being the captain of my ship (or classroom), I have to be observed by my boss for clearances and protocols- wonderfully stuffy things like that.  Also, I now have a mentor who likes meeting and observing my practice twice a week when she said that she would only for twice a month. -__-  Oh well...  With the frequency of our meetings, we have become chummier with each other.

That's it for February!  February = romance?  Nah...  Not this time.  Hehehe ^^;;  Although, I did have this fantastic imaginary scenario of a certain dude I like finally confessing that he actually liked me back, in which he comes up with this elaborate plan of telling me by delivering a bouquet of roses to my work and all of my students "ooh-ing" and "ah-ing" and he, getting down on one knee, asks, "Will you.... eat pasta with me tonight?" and I, blubbering in surprise and gladness, finally squeaks out "yes!" in between sobs and hiccups.  

Alas, no such luck!  Grrr...  I blame this imagination to watching one too many dramas!  And believe me: watching one IS one too many!

March was an even busier month because I started taking an introductory class to Christian counseling, called Prayer Ministry.  It started on the last week of February and only finished last weekend.  It was like a "heart surgery" because our hearts, along with its bitterness and intentions, are examined for all to see, within our small groups of 4 to 5 people.  So, the case studies of the class are each other.  Anyway, in all these things, what I came to understood is that God is life-changing.  He loves us the way we are, but too much to leave us that way.*

For the coming months, we can expect that I'll be blogging more infrequently.

Honestly, I don't think I can blog as enthusiastically anymore.  I do not have the time and drive, especially I do have a career that I really enjoy and would like to be awesome in it.  And hopefully this year, I will be starting on my Master's, and when that happens, I really would want to step down from this past-time.

Perhaps, I can squeeze in reviews and devotionals when I can but no pressure! :)  I am telling myself this, at least :)  

Until next time!     

Mew and the sister: so hot so we'll drink it off!
Sometimes I draw...  Always I draw girls...

*Leighton Ford